I’ve been thinking about this blog for quite a while. A few months ago a friend of mine wrote about body positive sites and blogs that go a long way in breaking down the myths of what is beautiful and acceptable and give us permission to be at ease in our own skin. However, she noticed that most of them focused on women who were quite feminine and that’s not who she was. She wrote a blog about 6 Fat Writers, Activists and Athletes Who Defy Traditional Feminity.

That resonated with me because I’ve seen a lot of aging positive articles or memes about women but they’re mostly high-fashion and femme. That’s not me either. I just did a quick search and turned up Cindy Crawford, Cher, Oprah and even a Kardashian for heaven’s sake, as aging positive models. I’ve seen occasional spreads on women their 70s and 80s, but again, they’re very high fashion or look much younger than their actual age. Many times I’ve looked at those posts and thought how little they had to do with my life. I also don’t see the co-mingling of age and body positivity. I’ve struggled with body image my entire life and am thrilled to see that shifting and now hope there is a shift to tackle age positivity. I love the Netflix show “Grace and Frankie” because they portray older women somewhat realistically (their superpower is invisibility), but they are, as usual, fashionable, white, and economically very comfortable.

It’s funny how even when we fight against stereotypes in the most empowering way possible, we fall prey to other stereotypes that we may not be aware of. The Buddha’s teachings tell us over and over again that we must be vigilant against fixed ideas and the most insidious of these can be the ones we have about ourselves that were systematically installed throughout our lives through the messages we received from everywhere and even from people who love us. Everyone reading this has their own experience with that conditioning as do I.

As usual, the antidote begins with paying attention and not believing it just because it’s ubiquitous. There is a brilliant show called “Adam Ruins Everything” which starts with someone talking about a fact that everyone believes and then Adam pops up and ruins everything by showing us what we hold near and dear is not actually true. It’s brilliant because we learn to not believe it just because we see it or hear it or have perpetual thoughts about it.

I’ve been extremely lucky in my life. I’m healthy and fit and light years away from my mother when she was my age; my father didn’t even make it this far. However, I’m also 64. We are all of a nature to grow old, get sick and die. It’s when we fight that truth we suffer the most and our society will help us fight it all the way into the grave. I’m trying to give up that fight and turn towards the reality of gravity and wear and tear on this meat sack I call me. I celebrate my friends who are busting down these barriers and false views every day. I have deep compassion for everyone who struggles with the need to be what they’re not. I am grateful for my willingness to experience my own discomfort and be who I am anyway. If liberation is letting go, then here’s to dropping that shit: there are no rules!

NOTE: I have written this as a white cisgen woman and experience life through that lens. I also want to acknowledge the lack of representation for queer, trans*, genderfluid, gender nonconforming, non-binary, people of color, differently-abled and other humans. We must fight against stereotypes and work to celebrate all beings in their glorious diversity.