Undefended Heart Retreat: Courageous folk willing to see what it means to open their hearts.
How do you live with an undefended heart in this day and age? I get this question all the time. How is it possible when there is so much hatred and violence coming at us on a daily basis? Does it make sense? Why would you consider it? I’ve just come back from teaching a retreat where the theme was ‘Living with an Undefended Heart: the Path to Liberation’ and we took these questions seriously. If you know me at all, you know that the undefended heart is the lens through which I try to view the world. Where am I saying no? Where is the aversion and how does it show up? Where is the fear and how am I blocking my nightmares? Am I harboring hatred? What is keeping me from living with unconditional kindness and compassion for all beings?
Much of the time I think we confuse an undefended heart with acceptance or even condoning what’s happening. It doesn’t take into consideration the fact that we have wise boundaries and hold people accountable for their actions. This is key! It also doesn’t mean we walk around like Pollyanna or we see the world through rose-colored glasses where everything is really okay. No! We acknowledge there are awful things going on, and we acknowledge that anger shows up on a regular basis. We see clearly that we must work to end the harm and injustice where we can. We also understand that each of us is an individual with distinct histories and experiences which condition us in certain ways. The undefended heart may not be accessible to everyone all the time, or ever. But I think it’s a worthwhile intention. Why would I want to choose anger and aversion as a place to live? Sometimes it spurs us to action, but I don’t want to be the person carrying that burning coal in my heart. When I’m operating from my defensive posture, I’m constricted and shut down and unable to deal with reality as it is. The freedom comes when I can see the world clearly and understand that there is pain and suffering and I ask what I can do.
Over the summer I’ve been attending a monthly Nonviolence Workshop with the Rev. James Lawson. He says that one of the key points of nonviolence is not to become that which you are trying to end. Do not become that which you oppose. Perpetrators of violence and ugliness are acting from their greed, hatred and ignorance. Why would I want to take that on in order to stop them? This goes hand in hand with the Buddha’s teaching that hatred doesn’t end with hatred. These teachings go back thousands of years and still resonate today. Dear Sydney, one of my co-teachers on the retreat said that we have to know history so we can see where we fit into the big picture. This will allow us to have a wise response and take our place in the world.
Living with an undefended heart does not mean being a doormat. It means being courageous in the face of the messiness of the world and our own lives. It means not ‘othering’ the people who are causing harm and seeing their humanity whether or not they see mine. And we do it as we can. We heal in a way that is appropriate, safe and nonviolent towards ourselves. As I said earlier, this is not easy, but I found it has been worthwhile and surprisingly empowering. It’s when I hide that I am most afraid; it’s when I come out of the shadows I can move through the fear.
Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You should not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him. Rev Martin Luther King, Jr.
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